February 19, 2020
Mansion (Round Three)
By Barry Rudesill
Okay, we’re continuing our discussion on the lyrics in the song “Mansion” by NF. If you’re just joining this series, I really do want to encourage you to go back and take a look at the previous weeks. (This will make a lot more sense if you do!)
This week, we’re going to take a look at the first verse:
Yo, my mind is a house with walls covered in lyrics, they're all over the place
There's songs in the mirrors written all over the floors, all over the chairs
If you take a moment and think back over your life, how many events do you actually remember? Can you honestly say that you remember EVERY time you’ve bought groceries? Probably not. The average, day-to-day experiences are usually not what our brain chooses to “remember”. But, Critical Events? Choices and consequences? Successes or failures? We write those into our mind every time!
And you get the uncut version of life when I go downstairs
That's where I write when I'm in a bad place and need to release
And let out the version of NF you don't want to see
I put holes in the walls with both of my fists 'til they bleed
You might get a glimpse of how I cope with all this anger in me
If you’ve experienced pain, either you’ve dealt with it, resolved it, and moved forward; or you are attempting to hide it and the pain leaks out in other areas. Really, those are the only two options. No matter how tightly you think you’ve got a lid on your past, it always comes through. NF even uses the word “cope” which means “to maintain a contest or combat usually on even terms...” In other words, I am NOT moving forward; coping means that I’m doing my best simply to hold my ground.
Physically abused, now that's the room that I don't want to be in
That picture ain't blurry at all, I just don't want to see it
And these walls ain't blank, I just think I don't want to see 'em
But why not? I'm in here, so I might as well read 'em
Abuse is a Critical Event, even if it only happens one time; but there are others. If you think ignoring your past will make it go away, it doesn’t. It can – it often does – hurt to look at our past, our experiences. But how does it help us to look away?
I gotta thank you for this anger that I carry around
Wish I could take a match and burn this whole room to the ground
Matter of fact I think I'ma burn this room right now
So now this memory for some reason just won't come down
You used to put me in the corner, so you could see the fear in my eyes
Then took me downstairs and beat me 'til I screamed and I cried
Congratulations, you'll always have a room in my mind
But I'ma keep the door shut and lock the lyrics inside
When we face a Critical Event in our lives, it leaves a mark; in this song, it creates a “room” in our mind. And every attempt we make to remove the memory, to “keep the door shut and lock the lyrics inside”, simply cannot work. Why? Because the room, the memory, is still inside our own heads!
That’s where our Reactive Behaviors come from: Critical Events in the past that we haven’t dealt with – or that we refuse to deal with.
Do you experience Fear? I’m not talking a natural fear like the emotion that comes when we see a venomous snake. I’m talking about Fear that makes us leave the room and we can’t even tell you why we ran away. Do you experience Anger? I’m not talking a natural anger like the emotion that comes when someone tries to take advantage of us. I’m talking about the Anger that simply appears out of “nowhere” and causes us to lash out at others. Do you feel the need to Abuse others? Control them? Escape from them? Reject them? Or Shame them?
Then somewhere, deep down inside, there is a Critical Event that is waiting to be confronted, addressed, and released. We write our life one day, one Critical Event at a time. We get our lives back when we deal with these events in a healthy, positive manner. Which route do you choose?
This week, if you want to move forward, make the decision to move forward. That Choice is the first step that leads to real change!
We hope you enjoy your journey!