March 4, 2020
Mansion (Round Five)
By Barry Rudesill
Welcome to the final week in our discussion of “Mansion” by NF. There is a lot more we could gain from digging into this, but I DO want to write other articles every now and then! (Feel free to print the lyrics out and have a discussion with some friends.) Again, if you’re new to all of this, be sure to look at our previous posts for more information.
So, in verse 3 we find this:
So this part of my house, no one's been in it for years
I built the safe room and I don't let no one in there
'Cause if I do, there's a chance that they might disappear and not come back
And I admit I am emotionally scared to let anyone inside
So I just leave my doors locked
You might get other doors to open up but this door's not
'Cause I don't want you to have the opportunity to hurt me
And I'll be the only person that I can blame when you desert me
Welcome to Rejection. Because we’re trapped in our own mind, because we won’t let anyone see the “real” us, because we are closed down, we are Rejecting others. When they experience that Rejection from us, many people will walk away. It’s not their fault though; it’s not really a Healthy Relationship if the sharing doesn’t go both ways.
I'm barricaded inside so stop watching
I'm not coming to the door so stop knocking, stop knocking
I'm trapped here, God keeps saying I'm not locked in
I chose this, I am lost in my own conscience
Here, NF actually admits that he Rejects others because he doesn’t want them to see who he really is. Do you do that? How is that working for you?
I know that shutting the wall down ain't solving the problem
But I didn't build this house because I thought it would solve 'em
I built it because I thought that it was safer in there
But it's not, I'm not the only thing that's living in here
When we build Walls around our past, when we fail to own what we’ve done and what others have done to us, then it shouldn’t come as a surprise to discover what Walls really do. Instead of solving the problems, instead of protecting ourselves, all we do is trap ourselves in our own heads with all of the pain of our past. It didn’t go anywhere because we carry it with us...always...
Fear came to my house years ago, I let him in
Maybe that's the problem 'cause I've been dealing with this ever since
I thought that he would leave, but it's obvious he never did
He must have picked the room and got comfortable and settled in
We build Walls out of Fear; we’re afraid to let ourselves be hurt, to be vulnerable, to show others who we really are. It’s just that most of us never realize that Fear sits there with us, every day, no matter how hard we try to hide it.
Now I'm in the position it's either sit here and let him win
Or put him back outside where he came from, but I never can
'Cause in order to do that I'd have to open the doors
Is that me or the fear talking?
I don't know anymore
As we’ve been talking about, you have a Choice: (a) open up the doors, clean out the rooms, and have peace; or (b) try to keep the rooms locked, try to keep people out, and try to keep the pain away...even though you carry it with you.
If we’re completely honest, both of these options feel overwhelming. We can’t imagine a life without pain, but we also can’t imagine the work needed to live without pain! But you have to Believe that there IS a way to move forward; you have to Believe that you ARE worth the effort; and you have to Believe that better IS possible.
If you are willing to try – and, at this time, don’t worry about “winning” or “succeeding”, the place to start is the willingness to “try” - you can change not only your life, but the lives of the people around you.
As always, it’s your Choice.
We hope you enjoy your journey!